Hello! It looks like it has been almost a year since I blogged and that just seems so crazy. I know I started some blogs, but never finished them. It doesn’t seem possible that it has almost been a year, because there have been so many days during that time period that seemed so endless! Those days where you just go through the motions and count the hours till bedtime fully aware that you have MADE IT through another day of pain, medications, medication side effects, and herxes. I go to bed full of faith that tomorrow will be a better day! Recently my thinking has changed….
I am starting to have better days. What is better than that? I am starting to sleep through the night! This has not happened since my teen years. I have narcolepsy and Chronic Lyme to wake me multiple times through the night. I have narcolepsy which interrupts my REM cycles so that I never feel rested. I had a sleep study years ago that showed 67 wakenings during the night. Is it any wonder that I needed a job that kept me on my feet? Too long at a desk and I would nod off. There were a few cataplectic moments where my body just collapsed. Of course, I used humor to make it easier on those around me. Now 30+ years later, I am sleeping. It is the most amazing thing in the world. It is so great that it is hard to get out of bed even though I am fully rested; I just want to lay there awake and remember dreams. Dreaming is wonderful. I am thrilled to the point that I don’t even wonder if this is just a phase due to my new Lyme treatment protocol. I will not be drawn into thinking negatively. If my new antibiotics, supplements and detox agents are responsible for this – HALLELUJAH and can I have some more.
My brain and my body need this sleep to recover and repair all the damage from Chronic Lyme. I still rest during the day even if I had a solid 8-9 hours of sleep because this is how we heal. Dave emails me everyday and always writes, “rest, rest, rest.” He has no expectations from me except to do what I need to do to get well. This is huge for me as I am well enough to accept and believe what he says instead of feeling guilty and useless. He has seen me through this disease along with my sister, Donna, and my daughters. They have seen me through the most horrible times and rejoiced with me each time I have battled back. My eyes tear up as I think of these times and my mind conjures up images of what they saw and now the tears are flowing freely as I wish I could erase what they constantly witnessed. A decade of pure love and selflessness…probably more to come. How does one person convey their thanks for this? I keep fighting this battle every second of every minute of every hour of every day because that is the least I can do for all of us. I am honored by their love.