Feeling totally dis-empowered now by the eight days of waiting for a doctor to help me with my back, I went to their website to send an email and their computers are still being upgraded. Wait, what’s that..Contact Us and when I clicked on it, there was the phone number and a title “We Value Your Opinion” with a box to type in. Hmmm, should I, dare I, what the heck. My first line was, “I wish you valued your patients.” Subtle, of course not. I went on to detail as in as few words as I could what had transpired this past week. I ended with, “Please tell me what I did wrong.” Then I added my name, phone number and email address.
I thought that this would not be seen for a while and started to get angry at myself for sending it. Apparently I had done something wrong. Why would any doctor that you have a very good relationship with let you suffer as I have for the past week? As I mentally beat myself up, I decided to call my Lyme doctor as I have been waiting to be rescheduled and had to leave a voice mail.
No more than 10 minutes later, the phone rings and it is my PCP’s assistant telling me that a note for physical therapy had been faxed to the number I had provided. Could someone have possibly read that email already? Probably coincidence, right? My phone rings again; it is my Lyme doctor’s office. The news is not as good. She is still out on medical leave and will be back soon on a part-time basis. I am concerned as I know she was being treated for Lyme when we met, but it is none of my business to ask. When is my appointment? Monday, NOVEMBER 4th at 9:30 in the morning. That will be four months from the last time I saw her and I have not been well since the last visit.
Time for more mental notes to self; “Why should I be upset?”, “It’s not her fault she is ill.” “It’s almost October already, so I’ll be fine till November.” This is me and my brain. The same brain that had me convinced I might as well give up the idea of physical therapy and suck it up. Unfortunately, this is not due to Lyme, this is the way I am wired. I MUST have done something wrong to have these things happen to me. It is easier to turn the feelings inward. At least that is what I tell myself well knowing it is costing me a lot actually.